


Heart Beat

by FairyLights101



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Canon, Psychological Trauma, rated m for using the word cock literally once but better safe than sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 16:01:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17531834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyLights101/pseuds/FairyLights101
Summary: "Can’t you hear the waves, Aslan?”





	Heart Beat

He has three fingers up his ass and a cock buried down his throat when he realizes Ash has gone still. Not still in the “oh God, I'm about to cum” way, but the kind of still that is deathly quiet, that has no life, no warmth, no  _ anything _ to it. 

Eiji looks up, just to check, even though he's certain before his eyes even fall on Ash's face. Not slack, but not clenched tight either. Those crystalline green eyes are dull and dead, staring off into some great unknown that Eiji can only skim the surface of, even if he stretches as far as he can. 

He's off Ash in an instant, careful to not put skin to skin as he snatches up a blanket, drapes it over Ash's body. Only then does he dare to touch Ash, the faintest of brushes on his shoulder. “Ash?” 

He shudders, lips moving slightly, eyes still unseeing. A thousand miles away, even with Eiji's hands on him, scared to press any harder. But he does, just enough to feel more than the texture of the burgundy fleece blanket. 

“Ash,” he whispers, soft and slow, “Ash, you're safe. You're okay.” 

Ash Lynx, sinuous wildcat, has been rendered into a wooden doll, his movements jerky as he turns to Eiji, eyes still glazed and unfocused. Eiji doesn't know who Ash sees. Doesn't want to know. Just wants to bring him back. His fingers curl into the blanket, and he leans a little closer, so close he can smell the tea lingering on Ash's shaky breaths. “It's me, Eiji. We're safe. We're home.” 

Ash's fingers twitch on the sheets. Something flickers in his eyes, and Eiji smiles. “That's it,” he breathes, “That's good, Ash. Just focus on my voice. Focus on me. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere.” 

“Anywhere…” Ash echoes. 

Eiji nods. “That's right, I'm right here. Right beside you.” 

And God, is it almost impossible to resist the urge to reach out and hold Ash, no matter how many times this happens. He looks so lost, so vacant, a shell of himself that Eiji  _ knows _ will come back, and yet-- And yet he is scared. And so he slowly raises his hand into Ash's field of vision. “I'm going to touch your hand, okay Ash?” 

Ash doesn't say anything -- Eiji would he surprised if he did -- but the flinch that comes when Eiji tenderly takes his hand is almost not there. 

Slowly, Eiji guides their hands through the cool space between them, up and up and up, until warmth enters. Until Ash's cool, sweaty fingers press to Eiji's chest, right above his heart, and he takes Ash's hand by the back, running the pads of his fingers over rough scars and fresh scrapes and the bones in his third knuckle that never quite healed right, and he presses Ash's palm flat to his chest. 

He doesn't take his eyes off of Ash -- he can't. Eiji can only watch as those dull green eyes flicker, the muscles in his face twitching as expressions try to creep their way up. 

A crinkle in his eyes. A quiver in the lips. His brow furrows ever so slightly. And then, with almost no movement at all, there’s a blink, a fat tear wells up in one eye and, on the next blink, spills down his cheek. Another from the other side, and they slide down his face, down to his cheeks, and Eiji doesn’t even dare to reach up and brush them away. He knows it will only make things worse. 

His fingers tighten on Ash’s hand, and he presses Ash’s hand even harder into his chest. He’s so aware of his own heartbeat, thudding against that clammy, cold hand, racing, and he can’t calm it down, can’t make it beat slower and steadier. But it doesn’t matter, because Ash’s fingers are twitching against his skin, fleeting at first, and then harder, almost digging into Eiji’s skin. Pain prickles up, but Eiji doesn’t mind, doesn’t say anything. Just smiles and blinks back the tears that burn in the back of his eyes. 

“That’s right Ash, focus on what you feel.” 

_ Focus on me.  _

Eiji wants those eyes to come back, wants to see the spark enter them now,  _ now,  _ but he can’t rush it, can’t force it. Can only sit and wait and stroke Ash’s ruined hand. 

“Aslan,” he breathes. “Aslan, Aslan, Aslan… You are Aslan Jade Callenreese. You are Aslan, and you are safe. We’re home. We’re by the sea. Can’t you hear the waves, Aslan?” 

Ash’s eyes flutter, long blond lashes casting shadows, and, suddenly, there’s clarity. The flat green shifts, light catching a piece of glass and shining through, and there’s  _ life.  _

Eiji wants to cry. Almost does. But he holds it back and squeezes Ash’s hand. 

Ash’s eyes flicker to the left. The right. Back to Eiji. His lips move, forming a word that doesn’t leave his lips at first, but on the second try it does. “Ei...ji?” 

He smiles -- he can’t hold the tears back anymore, running hot streaks down his cheeks, but he doesn’t pay any mind to them as he nods. “I’m right here, Aslan.” 

Ash shudders and pitches forward, arms snaking out from beneath the blanket to surround Eiji. Unlike his hands, his body is warm, and it presses into Eiji’s, and they’re chest to chest, Ash’s face buried into his neck. His shoulders are shaking, but his sobs are as quiet as always, even though the tap has turned and tears are pouring from his cheeks. 

Eiji knows he can touch Ash now, and he does. He sets his hands on Ash’s back, gentle at first -- there’s still a flinch, but it’s tiny, and the stiffness fades in an instant. Eiji puts more pressure in his touch, enough to feel the ridges of scars, the bumps of bone, the flexing of muscles, and he cradles Ash as he presses his cheek to the side of Ash’s head. 

“You’re okay,” he whispers, “It’s okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'd say this is my first _Banana Fish_ fic, but it's more appropriately the first one to be finished because of the length. Regardless, I hope you all enjoyed it, and I can't wait to write more about these boys and the rest of them.
> 
> That being said, I actually loved how the manga/anime ended, so /shrug. Sometimes I just want Ash to live, but he won't be alive in every fic I write.


End file.
